Freakforjesus's Weblog

Another day

freakforjesus — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 08:07:18 +0000

I am so ready for school to start back. This summer has been the worst summer of my life without a doubt. I miss her so much. But i guess that’s part of life. I love her so much and I want to be with her but I know she needs time. It’s hard for me to accept that she does. I’ll be honest it makes me feel like im not good enough. I know that isnt the case and that i overthink things. I just pray God will continue to hold me up. I know if I didnt have Him right next to me that this would be alot worse on me. It’s just hard knowing how amazing and gorgeous she is. It scares me cause I know there are tons of guys that would love to have a chance, whether she believes it or not. And me, I’m nothing special, just a good ol country boy. I dont have the looks or the charm like other guys. I know that when I talk about other guys she talks to it is me being mad, but its just cause i probly feel that they are better than me. I guess that is a flaw of mine that ive had for a long time and it isnt going away over night. But i know I cant let the fear of losing her run my life. I know what I believe, and if I’m wrong then I know God will be there to catch me when I fall. I hope i dont make things worse on her though. I know im extremely emotion and really annoying when it comes to jealousy. I trust her, but honestly she has the right to do whatever she wants and I wouldnt blame her to want to move on. I dont know, im so just ughhh. I know that God’s will will be done, and that in the end we will end up happy. My HOPE is that the happiness will be me and her, husband and wife. But, as long as she is happy, then i cant be sad. It’s funny how her smile can make me forget everything for those moments im looking at it. I just ask for prayer. Pray that God will strengthen me. That He will instill wisdom in me. That I will focus on Him and His awesomeness and not me in my selfishness. Pray that He will hold Hope in His arms, comfort her, advise her of what she needs to know in a clear way, and remind her that everything is going to be ok. And pray most of all that God will receive the glory from both of us in this situation. That we will grow stronger as soldiers in God’s army because of this. And that we will always, no matter what, be best friends. I just want to leave you with the lyrics to a song that reminds me of what to do in any situation in life. Come to Jesus by Chris Rice:

Weak and wounded sinner
Lost and left to die
O, raise your head, for love is passing by
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus and live!

Now your burden’s lifted
And carried far away
And precious blood has washed away the stain, so
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus and live!

And like a newborn baby
Don’t be afraid to crawl
And remember when you walk
Sometimes we fall…so
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus and live!

Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live!

O, and when the love spills over
And music fills the night
And when you can’t contain your joy inside, then
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus and live!

And with your final heartbeat
Kiss the world goodbye
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory’s side, and
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live!

***AND REMEMBER: JESUS MAKES IT CLEAR THAT TO FOLLOW HIM WE MUST FIRST COUNT THE COST. THE PRICE IS NOTHING SHORT OF OUR LIFE. -JOHN BEVERE***

wow

freakforjesus — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 07:03:40 +0000

Wow, what a school year and first part of the summer. But i dont feel like writing out everything that happened in the school year, but i will say this much. I learned one big thing during the Spring semester. Be allowed to fall in love with the most amazing, and i mean THE MOST AMAZING girl ever, is one of the greatest priveleges God can allow us. I thought i knew what love was between a man and a woman, but learned very quickly that it was so much more when Hope cam in to my life. But i always learned that love isnt easy. There are going to be obsticles, of all shapes and sizes. You will get discouraged, pushed down, doubtful, and so much more. But you learn to handle things with the wisdom and strength that God provides you with. He never told us life would be easy. The sad thing is, if life were always easy, we would probly never go to Him for anything. Life being tough is what brings us close to God. Or atleast thats how I look at it. He gives us challenges to teach us, grow us, and show us that He is there, He is perfect, and He knows what He is doing. These past 2 wks have been probably the toughest of my life. I lost my job because i was stupid and showed up late (haha no surprise there). Me and Hope called it quits for a little while. I didnt get the truck i wanted, but did get a ticket, which added to my feeling like an idiot haha. But I know God is God and I am man. Things are really hard right now, mainly because of the Hope situation. I know how I feel about her and I know that i still want to spend the rest of my life with her. But I also know that if she didnt truely feel like this break, or whatever it is, needed to happen, then it wouldnt have. I am so grateful we are still best friends though. I really and honestly dont know what I would do without her in my life. I know that being dependant on someone isnt good, but I think GOd gives you that one person in your life that you just need. And i believe that Hope is that person for me. I pray that I am the man i need to be right now and let things work out how they need to. I know how I am, and how i am obsessive and overbearring alot of times. But i know that she will quickly tell me haha (atleast i HOPE she does haha). I know that God has a plan for Hope and I. I dont know what it is, or if it is us being together forever. I pray it is, but God’s will be done. It’s hard to let God take the reins out of fear, but for some reason, and i dont know if this is just me being stubborn, i feel like He will gives us that blessing of being together in the end. I could be wrong, God only knows, either way i know me and her will always be best friends and she will always have a piece of my heart (right now she still has all of it haha). I pray that through all of this though, that we will grow spiritually and that we will even grow in our relationship with each other. I ask that you, whoever you may be, will pray for us, that we will allow God to do His will and we will praise Him no matter what.

College Starts!

freakforjesus — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 04:04:00 +0000

Well, I am now officially a college guy. I moved in saturday to room 323 in Samford Hall. Gray Cole is my roommate. My neighbors are awesome, Chris and Alex. Chris and I have been working with alot of msic together so thats been pretty cool. He plays piano pretty amazingly. Plus they have a 50′ screen tv in their room which is wicked sweet. Ram Rush was pretty cool, but very laid back. I was in ram fam 6 with Dustin and Aimee who are pretty cool. I made some god friends in that group like Lauren Busby, Lauren Edalgo, Brandy Wearran, Candace Early, Tyler Plumlee and some others. also have become good friends withu Katie Walsh (who is just plain awesome, I kknew her b4 college from church stuff), John Wilson (guitar buddy), Sarah Parker (fellow worship leadership major), Josh Bugg (really cool guy who is also a music major), Casey Lauten (who is pretty much the person i spen 8-11 and 12-1 every mon/wed/fri together…she is in all those classes with me and is a voice major). I also have so pretty awesome dorm staff. Thomas who is our “hall leader”, and Alan, who is the dorm chaplain. My first classes were today which was pretty awesome but busy. I had math at 8, english at 9, foundations of music theory at 10, CPA meeting at 12 and Freshman Seminar at 1….so all in all busy but still pretty cool. That is basically how all my wednesdays will be. Tomorrow i have biology at 9:30 and University Singers at 12. Im extremely excited about working with University Singers because we were told today that we we be recording some songs on a new Integrity Music cd, which will be released worldwide next spring, it will be in every christian bookstore in America also. So that will be pretty awesome. I will also be auditioning for Exit 13 next thurs for the acoustic guitar position.

Well that is basically the main part of my life as of now…

Happenings

freakforjesus — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 04:12:59 +0000

Well it has been a busy past 2 and a half weeks. July 21-26 i was at Mississippi College for M-Fuge. It was different being a camper this year but still pretty cool. I was in creative trac with the coolest leader ever, Hope Griffin. I can’t say that i liked creative more than i did last year with social, but i did get to do music wherever we went so that was pretty awesome. I don’t think that our youth experienced the revival i was hoping for but i do think they got a better mind set of how the world really is with poverty and just “dirt”. We got back sat and i left on monday heading to Shocco Springs as the children’s minister, taking our kids (4th-6th) to Student Life. I ended up not getting to do the rec stuff because the first night i was stupid and stepped off a 5 ft ledge and busted up my left knee so that sucked, but all the guys got a laugh out of it lol. I had a busy week with that though with meetings and paper work so it was cool getting to experience that side of ministry. We did have one kid accept Christ in his heart. I do worry about him, because the other leaders that were with me went to Crosspoint last yr and they thought he had done that last yr so idk. We came home thursday from that and got 15 miles from home and the back tire on our van blew and it was 100 degrees. Yeah it is no fun changing tires in that kind of heat lol.

This weekend we had VBS at my home church which was ehh. We did it 4 hrs on sat and sun this yr so it was diff, but the kids had fun so thats awesome.

Monday was an awesome and nerve wracking day. My mom and i left at 7 heading off to Mobile to shop for college and i had an audition for the Center of Performing Arts scholarship. I was so nervous about it cause i had gotten a letter saying they wanted me to play a classical and jazz piece (guitar) and i dont do that stuff so i was so worried. But Dr. Breland and Pro. Habib are incredible cool guys and were so laid back about the whole thing. I actually didnt paly more than 4 min of music, and we just talked the rest of the time. Pro. Habib rated me a 3.5 out of 5 on skill level which is awesome, because the other 1.5 i didnt get was because i dont read music and dont play classical so i felt really blessed that God has given me such skill. They maz per yr they can give is $2000 and i ended up with $1200, PRAISE GOD!!!! i was only gonna get $1000 but they were both impressed that i had a 26 ACT score and 3.5 GPA that they gave me a little extra…so in the end it adds up to a $4800 scholarship which helps tremendously. That makes my scholarship money for one year now – $15800. I PRAISE GOD HE HAS GIVEN ME A GREAT BRAIN AND TALENT, because w/o it i dont know if i could go to Mobile.

Well i got my i-touch yest and hopefully my macbook comes in tom. so im pumped about that.

I guess that is about it for now…i move in sat and have ram rush till 13th i think (GROUP 6 ROCKS!!!!). and then i start classes. Ah yes, i am in University Singes which is awesome and i will be tryin out for the acoustic position of Exit 13, i pray that works out, but God’s will be done. I will also be put in Guitar Ensemble whenever Prof. Habib thinks im ready (that might be a while cause that is classical guitar stuff lol).

My Life as of now.

freakforjesus — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 22:20:47 +0000

Well i am about to be leaving with my cousin, her boyfriend and her half-brother to go to Montgomery for the weekend. My other cousin (the first one’s sister) is in the state championship Belles Tournement at Lagoon Park, so right now we are just praying we don’t get crushed. I’ll be staying at the Drury Inn or something like that (i love Hotel rooms and idk why lol). They play Opelika tonight at 9. If they win they play at 8 tom. night and if they lose they play at 6. But my favorite news for tom. is that i might get to go see the Dark Night with a friend that is going to UM this fall also. Hopefully I’ll will be meeting up with her and her friends tomorrow. If they dont lose 2 games by sun they will play again sun night, but i have to get up early mon. morning and get to the church early to get all the paperwork ready for me and the youth to head off to Mississippi College for FUGE!!!!! I pray that our youth will be changed cause we surely need it as a whole. And what better camp for God to work through that Fuge. Then the next week i am headed of as the Children’s Minister taking the kids of the church to Schocco Springs for Student Life for Kids. So I’m excited.

I am so excited about both of these camps but i have to say i am ready for them to be over. My youth pastor left to move to Arkansas to be a pastor in his home town last week and as the church intern i have taken his place so things have been incredibly HECTIC!!!! Paperwork and financial work out the wazoo. But its good to have this experience since this is what I’ll be doing the rest of my life, lol.

Well COLLEGE IS ALMOST HERE!!!! I move in August 9th in Samford South, room 323 with my best friend Gray Cole. I am extremely excited about the whole experience. I will be majoring in Worship Leadership and minoring in music. Leading Worhip and youth ministry is my passion and my calling. Personally I do not think I am the right person for the job but i have faith that God equips His soldiers with the right “weapons” for “war”. I will also be working the Center of Performing Arts with University Singers so that will be awesome. Especially since im not really a singer but i love to sing, and I’m hoping this will help me in that area.

Thats all the time I have for now, but this was done to make a great friend happy…lol you know who you are and you better not complain..lol

At the end of each blog i will post a devotional that has spoken to me in hope that it will speak to you.

FOR YOU ARE MY HOPE, O LORD GOD; YOU ARE MY TRUST
FROM MY YOUTH.
( PSALM 71:5 *NIV )

When ever you feel stressed, worried or overwhelmed by
things or people in this World, always put your hope and trust
in our Heavenly Father. Have faith that He will guide you
through the stumbling blocks that life has put before you! For
it is written: DO NOT FEAR, FOR I AM WITH YOU; DO NOT
BE DISMAYED, FOR I AM YOUR GOD. ( ISAIAH 41:10 )

Therefore never try to make decisions or to fight the battles
of life alone. Always ask God in prayer for the answers. He
will then, not only provide answers and guidance, but also will
bless you as well, for it is written: BLESSED IS THE MAN
WHO TRUSTS IN THE LORD, WHOSE CONFIDENCE IS IN
HIM. ( JEREMIAH 17:7 )

So make sure that you, TRUST IN HIM AT ALL
TIMES, YOU PEOPLE; POUR OUT YOUR HEART BEFORE
HIM; GOD IS A REFUGE FOR US. ( PSALM 62:8 )

In closing, I pray that, THE GOD OF HOPE FILL YOU WITH ALL
JOY AND PEACE AS YOU TRUST IN HIM, SO THAT YOU MAY
OVERFLOW WITH HOPE BY THE POWER OF THE HOLY SPIRIT.
Amen ( ROMANS 15:13 )

Missionaries in Turkey

freakforjesus — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 05:41:48 +0000

Hello world!

freakforjesus — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 03:52:12 +0000

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