I am so ready for school to start back. This summer has been the worst summer of my life without a doubt. I miss her so much. But i guess that’s part of life. I love her so much and I want to be with her but I know she needs time. It’s hard for me to accept that she does. I’ll be honest it makes me feel like im not good enough. I know that isnt the case and that i overthink things. I just pray God will continue to hold me up. I know if I didnt have Him right next to me that this would be alot worse on me. It’s just hard knowing how amazing and gorgeous she is. It scares me cause I know there are tons of guys that would love to have a chance, whether she believes it or not. And me, I’m nothing special, just a good ol country boy. I dont have the looks or the charm like other guys. I know that when I talk about other guys she talks to it is me being mad, but its just cause i probly feel that they are better than me. I guess that is a flaw of mine that ive had for a long time and it isnt going away over night. But i know I cant let the fear of losing her run my life. I know what I believe, and if I’m wrong then I know God will be there to catch me when I fall. I hope i dont make things worse on her though. I know im extremely emotion and really annoying when it comes to jealousy. I trust her, but honestly she has the right to do whatever she wants and I wouldnt blame her to want to move on. I dont know, im so just ughhh. I know that God’s will will be done, and that in the end we will end up happy. My HOPE is that the happiness will be me and her, husband and wife. But, as long as she is happy, then i cant be sad. It’s funny how her smile can make me forget everything for those moments im looking at it. I just ask for prayer. Pray that God will strengthen me. That He will instill wisdom in me. That I will focus on Him and His awesomeness and not me in my selfishness. Pray that He will hold Hope in His arms, comfort her, advise her of what she needs to know in a clear way, and remind her that everything is going to be ok. And pray most of all that God will receive the glory from both of us in this situation. That we will grow stronger as soldiers in God’s army because of this. And that we will always, no matter what, be best friends. I just want to leave you with the lyrics to a song that reminds me of what to do in any situation in life. Come to Jesus by Chris Rice:
Weak and wounded sinner
Lost and left to die
O, raise your head, for love is passing by
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus and live!
Now your burden’s lifted
And carried far away
And precious blood has washed away the stain, so
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus and live!
And like a newborn baby
Don’t be afraid to crawl
And remember when you walk
Sometimes we fall…so
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus and live!
Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live!
O, and when the love spills over
And music fills the night
And when you can’t contain your joy inside, then
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus and live!
And with your final heartbeat
Kiss the world goodbye
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory’s side, and
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live!
***AND REMEMBER: JESUS MAKES IT CLEAR THAT TO FOLLOW HIM WE MUST FIRST COUNT THE COST. THE PRICE IS NOTHING SHORT OF OUR LIFE. -JOHN BEVERE***
